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I can say for certain today, “I am loved.”
I hope you feel the same. Maybe you don’t. But nonetheless, you are loved. The Bible says it over and over again. No matter if you feel loved much or hardly at all, stay with me. There is greater love waiting to be revealed: the love of Jesus. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so…” Indeed he does and he loves you too. Many years ago, the Apostle Paul said, “And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is” (Ephesians 3:18).  Sin ruins everything.
It’s heartbreaking. But sometimes, my heart needs broken so Christ can fully escape. In moments like these, I don’t struggle with my ego. Instead of reflecting on God’s goodness, I hurl at my own nastiness. My original plan this morning was to write a column. But now, I wonder why I even have the opportunity of doing it. To be honest, I practically told God to find someone else. It’s heartbreaking. I feel so distant from the hand of God because sin ruins everything. My mind can be a friend or an enemy. Recently, the latter seems more realistic.
Every day, there’s a brutal battle in my brain. A battle between feeling and conviction. Obedience and disobedience. Love and hate. Or better yet, allow me to place a generic face on our enemy—Satan himself. “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12). The alarm clock rings. While your hands shuffle covers, your mind shuffles thoughts.
The teenager groans—it’s another day of school. The working mom stares at the ceiling—it’s another day of seemingly endless responsibilities. The dad puts his feet to the floor, knowing he must provide again for his family. The middle-aged grandparent worries—it’s another day of guilt trips. Who knew the kids would turn out that way? Now, he fears his grandkids will walk the same road. The elderly man weeps as he realizes how different his life is than the dream he just had. The tears now run down his face—he’s reminded of the cancer. It’s another day of sorrow and fear.  I had just invited him to church. He declined my offer. “Why?” I asked.
He looked at me seriously and stated his response, “Because I would get back here [school] and act the same way.” I don’t know about you, but this statement intrigues me. Do we live in a world where people believe they must have a “perfect” life after one church service? Because if so, I was disqualified a long time ago. |