 It’s a Tuesday night. I’m writing to you from college. It’s finals week. I can’t begin to tell you how thankful I am to know this is about over. The past three and a half months have drained me emotionally. I don’t feel like writing this. Add it to my growing list of depressing columns.
I never imagined this would be my story. I always looked forward to college. It was my dream. I remember dreaming about how much better college would be than high school. A prominent Christian college in Ohio gave me $50,000. I accepted the offer. At face value, people probably thought I was content. What more could I have asked for?  Let’s examine Luke 8:41-56.
A ruler of the synagogue is struggling. Jairus is his name. His daughter occupies her death bed. His only child. Desperate. Saddened. Heartbroken. Teary-eyed, he wonders, “What can I do?” He has heard of Jesus. The man responsible for mending what’s broken. Healing what’s hurting. Opening blind eyes. Redeeming what appears unredeemable.  Sin ruins everything.
It’s heartbreaking. But sometimes, my heart needs broken so Christ can fully escape. In moments like these, I don’t struggle with my ego. Instead of reflecting on God’s goodness, I hurl at my own nastiness. My original plan this morning was to write a column. But now, I wonder why I even have the opportunity of doing it. To be honest, I practically told God to find someone else. It’s heartbreaking. I feel so distant from the hand of God because sin ruins everything.  Judas and Peter: two disciples of Jesus, two members of the last supper, two unique sets of characteristics, two failures. We would do well to assume a match to these two characters. As unwanted and heart-breaking as failure is, we cannot escape it—at least, that was the case of these two men.
 Do you ever wish that you could be as free as the birds and as boundless as the clouds? Are there moments in your life when guilt weighs you down and weaknesses create limitations? Maybe you're lacking confidence. God desires you to be full of freedom. He made you to walk into deeper heights every single day. But then, the enemy places those lies within your mind. "You aren't good enough...You'll never be who you want to be," he says. You compromise the truth for worthless lies. Here in Titus 1:2, we find the Bible describing the source of our confidence - God's accomplishment on the cross and His promises for our lives. So today, God wants to challenge you to walk in Godly confidence. Not pride. Not self-sufficiency. Just the confidence that God provides uniquely for you to walk-out His calling on your life. GOD'S PROMISE DOESN'T RELY ON YOUR PERFORMANCE.
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